Wednesday 29 October 2014

Recently, I have become more aware of how little confidence I have. This is due to many different encounters in my life. So i'm going to attempt to gain confidence, to become more comfortable in my skin and not worry so much. I find that ever since I went to uni everything went downhill for me. The confidence I did have was dumped and I became less inviting and open to others. I was never someone who openly shared every last detail of myself; but I shut down easily once things turn sour and that makes it much harder for me to be open.

Hopefully by using positive reinforcement I can start to be as confident as I was when I was a child, well pre-teen (aged 10-12 roughly). I could walk into a room and have a conversation with anyone with no problem at all. I wasn't the most comfortable in my skin but I was confident enough to hold a decent conversation. It's actually quite sad that I struggle to hold eye contact when communicating with others, and I cringe away from any compliments and positive feedback. I absolutely hate it when I'm called 'CUTE' makes me feel like I'm 5, unattractive and jail-bait. People suspect my age is 16 which I find depressing as i'm 21 and I don't want to be perceived as jail-bait.

I'm going to keep this diary/journal/patch of thoughts just as a way of seeing my progress. I find it hard to talk about my feelings but I realised if I type them out it helps with my recovery. I'm not sure if recovery is the right word but it seems fitting.

One day I will have my chin up and strut, as I am a woman and hear me ROAR!!